Week 1

I've decided to take small steps towards a healthier, more confident me.  Each week I plan on adding something (no matter how small it is).

I figured I'd start super easy.  Week 1:  walk around the block 5 times a week.

It's only about a mile and a half, but I figured I'd start slow in order to avoid burning myself out!

Today, Conner & I started out our week on a great start.  Walked around the block (& yes, he walked the whole way).  During our walk we picked flowers, found pine cones, & discovered a few locust shells (Conner was afraid of them at first BUT now he thinks they are awesome). 

I'm not really worried about what numbers show up on the scale right now!  Taking things slow, making healthier choices, & trying to love me for me.

-Kierra

Hunter Glen

I begged my mom & dad to allow me to start horseback riding lessons.  BEGGED & BEGGED!  For my 12th birthday, my mom asked me... "Do you want a big birthday party or do you want me to pay for 2 or 3 riding lesson?" 

Little did she know, those 3 riding lessons (yes, the ones that I chose over a birthday party) would turn into 2 lessons a week, 1 horse show a month, $350 tall boots, totes full of grooming & show gear, etc.  We even came close to buying a pony one year... until we found out that she was INSANE! Mom & dad wouldn't agree to buying me an insane pony...

In high school, my photography teacher gave us an assignment to photograph our life's passion.  He explained that pictures of sports, band, and other school activities wouldn't get you a very good grade.  When most kids graduate, the stop those sports that they once loved.  They no longer participate in bad or other activities.  He actually used me as an example of someone that had a life's passion.  Every assignment that I had,  I somehow incorporated Hunter Glen.  He said that horseback riding was my life's passion... that it was something I would do FOREVER!  You know what... I thought I would. 

I graduated from high school.  I was really serious with Chris.  One day I just stopped showing up for lessons.  I stopped going to the barn everyday.  I stopped it all. 

That was the biggest mistake I've ever made.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss everything about that place.  The horses, the people.   I feel like a part of me is missing. 

Today, I took Conner to visit that very place.  It was like coming home again after being gone for 4 years.  The sounds.  The smells.  The feeling I get inside when I just so much as let a pony nuzzle on my hand.  I was overwhelmed with emotions.  

Just FYI... I still have all of my riding gear.  It sits in my mom's garage.  It's something that I'll never be able to give up... I'm determined to get back into the saddle.  & I'm determined to get Conner into one... maybe for his birthday I'll offer to pay for just 3 lessons (because we all know what 3 lessons will lead to...)

  -Kierra

Strength

"Our strength grows out of our weaknesses"

I am on the hunt for a tattoo.  I want words of encouragement permanently inked into my skin.  Something that will always be there to help push me forward.  On my hunt for these perfect words, i came across this quote.  I don't think these are the words that will become a permanate part of my body, but they did make me stop & think...

I see myself as weak.  I have a low self esteem, a negative outlook, and I'm generally not a people person.  My husband is constantly telling me that I'm beautiful... showing me how positive thinking gives you positive results... and introducing me to new & exciting people.  He's amazing (don't tell him, but I envy him... I want to be like him). 

My past weaknesses have turned me into the strong person I am today.  I know that the weaknesses that I have now are going to make me stronger. 

 I am ready and willing to be stronger. 

-Kierra

I have my reasons

I am not what you would call a "people person."  I'm easily frustrated, irritated, and annoyed by people.  I'm sure a lot of people feel this way on occasion... not me.  It's an everyday kind of thing.

My husband has a pretty good theory as to why I'm like this

I was one of those girls that grew up way too slow & then way too fast.  I was an unbelievably shy girl.  I didn't really come out of my shell until my senior year.  That's when I met Christopher.  He was one of those boys from the "wrong side of the tracks."  He had a baby.  Lived in a rough household.  Was far from a straight A student (like myself).  I saw a side to him that not many others had ever been given the chance to see. 

We both fell head over heels.  Maybe it was the fact that opposites attract.  Or the fact that i wanted to fix his problems. Or we were young and naive.    We dated for 7 months before I wound up being pregnant (i was the LAST person people expected to end up pregnant...) 

Having a baby made me grow up.  When Conner was just 3 months old, Chris & I went through something that I would never wish onto anyone!  I'm still not ready to talk about it.  Some of you know what we went through... I'm sure one day I'll be ready.  Today just isn't that day. 

Because of what we did go through, I grew up so fast.  I shut myself off from the world for over a year.  I cut off all of my friends (thankfully they all stuck around).  I hated the world.  I hated everyone.  I hated myself.  I became bitter.

Chris told me that he thinks being forced to grow up so fast made me look at people differently.  I see people out, wasting their money, partying... & I look at them in disgust.  I get annoyed & irritated.  I suppose it's the fact that I feel much older than I am.  I see the people my age doing things that people my age should be doing, and I see them as immature.  I guess somewhere down, deep inside I think "I'm 22... I don't do THOSE things... why do they?"  BECAUSE they are still 22 at heart... I'm much, much older. 

Darius Rucker's (he'll always be Hootie to me) song "This" basically sums up my life.  I hate the things that I had to go through at such a young age, but I love my life now.  I know things would be so different if my past wasn't just the way it is.  God makes everything happen for a reason.  He never puts you through more than you can handle. 

This post jumped all over the place.  I hope you got the general idea.  Basically... if you see me looking at you in disgust, just remember that it's not you... well, it's most likely not you.  I just really don't like people...